It’s happened, I’ve broken. Shattered into a million mental pieces. It’s a positive destruction, and I encourage everybody else struggling with their identity/selfworth/helplessness/hopelessness/envy/doubt/shame fill in the blank, to remember these three words.
You are you.
There isn’t quite anybody like you, and although when you look into a mirror or see your reflection in some window somewhere you want to see something else, you want to be different. What exactly is the point though, what’s wrong with the person that you are right now? What’s the matter with your innate feeling of needing to be happy? Why is what you are so wrong? Who told you?
This morning as I was happily crying and realizing that almost like a magic wand was waved over me and I was suddenly healed, I looked at the destruction that I had caused myself. The years of keeping things inside that I really wanted and accepting things that I didn’t. I let the past dictate who I was and what I behaved like. I was a creature of somebody elses imagination. I have my own imagination, I can be myself. After the startling realization that I feel more attractive in silly shoes and no makeup, I found this article…Those ten things work…but here are five more. Ten little reasons to remember that you are worthy of being loved, not by the world, but by your very own self.
1) The mirror will reflect only what is in front of it, if you have an identity that you dislike, you will dislike what you see in the mirror. It’s not an image visually, it’s a image of yourself mentally. If you see yourself as a monster in your mind, you will see a monster in the mirror.
2) Upon analyzing your flaws, you have to also except where those flaws came from. I look at my hips, my big ole hips, and have to smile. These came from my grand parents, and they aren’t ashamed of their hips. My parents came from those hips.
3) Everything in the mirror can be exponentially worse, if you imagine it to be. It’s almost like going into a movie theater and expecting to see the “scariest film ever made”. Of course your mind is going to be ready to be scared, and perhaps it won’t scare you as much because you DID mentally prepare yourself. Take that same approach to the mirror, expect that you’re going to see a reflection of a perfect person, no matter who you are, and go with it.
4) What do you see when you look in the mirror when the lights are off? Nothing of course, but that mirror is still reflecting who you are. The moment that you step away from seeing your very own image, your identity is still there you just can’t see it. Go into a dark bathroom and stare at a mirror, try to envision what you’ll see looking back at you when the lights come back on. It might hurt to realize that your perception of your reflection is grossly different from who you actually are. You’re beautiful, with or without lights.
5) The unique reflection in the mirror is yours and yours alone, although, you might want to be somebody else. You can take, for example, twins. They might be identical on the outside, but rumbling deep down inside their bellies and hearts are different feelings, different emotions, different desires. Who they are on the outside is only superficial, the inner being is more important. Those of us with eating disorders are almost like twins from the womb, but reverse twins. We see a reflection of ugliness, and it’s all the same. We’re not going to change from being identical twins until we change who we want to be. In order to not be a twin, you must be unique. You are unique.
Please, take it with a grain of salt and realize that the only person in the entire world that can tell you that it’s not okay to be you is you. Don’t bully yourself.