Day Eight – Love Day

When I read the title of this day all I could think about was the song by the Doors that goes “she lives on love street, lingers long on love street”, then I started thinking about the doors, then I started thinking about a certain somebody that I used to date that looked like Jim Morrison, then I started to realize what love is. Love is everywhere, no matter where you look.

I have a problem, however, in working with love and allowing love to resonate into my skin. I think too often people confuse love with other things. Sometimes love manifests itself in forms that you can’t really identify, like a certain craving but knowing that it’s not healthy. Case in point I really like to drive my car around corners really fast just to see if I can get the tires to complain. You could even say I LOVE this activity, but on the other hand this activity could easily kill me and ruin the day of many people. I have claimed to “love” driving, “love” adventuring, and “love” to eat. The problem with all of these things is that none of them can love me back. That’s where I start to get confused. I feel safer “loving” objects that can’t love me back, or won’t. Just like that fella that looked like Jim Morrison, I loved him, but he hated me with a passion. It was a toxic relationship.

The same goes with myself and “self-love”. I hate to love myself, much like that relationship before with the Jim lookalike, I loved knowing that I would never get reciprocity. I kept doing it though, because that’s what I felt in my heart. Now I look in the mirror and that wasted love should have been applied to myself. I, however, feel kind of like that Jim look alike must have felt, there is this person loving me but I don’t know why, I don’t even like her. Although that didn’t work out I still had to learn that love doesn’t always get lobbed back like a ping pong ball.

Here I am now, with more love in my heart than ever, and I’m wondering why it’s so easy for me to love others but yet it’s so easy to hate myself. The one person in the world that I should love…Ahhh.

Morning Assignment – Write your definition of love

Love – The New Nikki Dictionary defines it as the constant emotion of caring and respect for another person without hesitation. Without hesitation is the key of my definition, in order to really love somebody, you have to take them for the pros and cons. My sister is a fantastic example, I love her with no doubt, but I don’t like her. Let me explain – we’re very different people, we’re leading very different lives and for the most part don’t get along at all. However, I accept all of these things and still love her, because I care and respect her. If she were making other choices in life, I’d still love her. Sometimes those that we chose to love make it a little difficult to love them to our full potential, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not there. My sister and I love each other, we just don’t get along.

In other worlds, love to some is confused with sweaty naked bodies. This to me is the antithesis of love, to me that is hate. I feel disrespect even thinking about it. When I hear the term “making love” I have to shrug. What about that action is love, can we as humans not stimulate each other with our minds instead of some primitive mating instinct? Are we not evolved human beings? Have we not overcome the whole “repopulate the species” mentality. I love words, I love physical contact, I don’t love getting sweaty. I just don’t get it. That’s not love to me.

Instead of telling you what love is not, I’ll tell you what love is – love is everywhere. I can look around right now and see that there is love everywhere that I look, especially here in my office. I look at the walls that are plastered with postcards from all over the place. Every single picture has a loving quality about it, on the back side there are often times words written speaking of love. The only place that I have trouble looking at and seeing love is the mirror. There are too many times that I look into the mirror and want to bash my forehead against it in anger and frustration. I want to scream “stop it, be nice”, but of course that just sounds crazy. This program is teaching me to love, I know I’ve done it once before, I can certainly do it again.

 

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