Coronication

Uncertainty settles in the pits of many peoples belly as I relax back in my cheaply made office chair and examine the new growth on my houseplants. People flock to the grocery stores to amass ridiculous amounts of toilet paper and canned goods as I contemplate what position suits my Schefelera best. I’m not into the mass hysteria and panic scenario. In some ways I’ve been preparing for this moment my entire life, watching “Fight Club” countless times and being a faithful follower of Niezche has taught me one thing, we are all just parts of the great compost heap. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

In a fast forward from negative to positive, things couldn’t be better for me, In a fast forward from negative to positive, things couldn’t be better for me, and I have nothing but perseverance to blame. I’ve been chugging along doing what I love, and a drudging through what I don’t, to get to where I am. It’s a good day in the life of N. Weed when I can honestly think about seriously quitting my day job to take on a full-time writing gig. Chasing the dream hasn’t been flowers and sunshine, and there have been more than a few scraped knees. When a public crisis like this Coronavirus strikes, I can’t be wavered.

My best buddy, through tough anorexic times sent me this quote:

“I’ve noticed that the people I know with anxiety disorders (self-included) seem to be much calmer than the general population regarding the Coronavirus. Guess all these years of dealing with the imaginary worst-case scenarios has actually made us more capable of dealing with real threats when then come. #silverlining”

I fist pumped into the air and said “heck yes!”. I was incredibly tempted to use colorful language, but as Mrs. Hicks once told me, “swear words are only used for those of lesser intelligence and without the ability to utilize the English language eloquently”. Man, I miss her.

Anyways, reading into that quote, I realized I’ve been a heck of a lot more terrified of other things in life. Even leaving the house at time has been more terrifying than this. I remember when I gained weight back after being almost dead, I was mortified to wear anything with a button. I remember the genuine horror of sitting down to a family meal. Vividly I can recall the number of times I had eaten something as simple as an ice cream cone and became so wreched with terror I forcefully made it exit my system. Yeah, I guess you can say this doesn’t scare me.

Don’t get me wrong, I respect all of those immune compromised people that may die from this. I also honor the fact that people value their own lives to such an extent that they make a big deal out of it. I’ve stared down the barrel of a loaded gun (proverbially) enough times to nod and smile. This doesn’t scare me. My tight pants, eating french fries in public and what people think of me does.

In honor of those that are home-bound, and without better things to do, I’ve decided to compile a list of the top five songs that couple well with the crisis we’re dealing with.

“Spanish Pipedream” John Prine

Only the cool cats have covered this song, and those that haven’t, really should. Subtly, this song is a manifestation of the simplistic life that Robert Frost and Ralph Waldo Emerson wanted for all of us. Blaze your own trail, blaze your own weed, blaze your own whatever. You do you, bro, that’s what it’s all about. Listen to the news, but with a grain of salt, but when it gets to be too much, give it up. Personally, I’m not a fan of the news and have taken to getting a very abbreviated version of the headlines from the New York Times daily briefing. In his words, “go find Jesus on your own”.

“Uncle Remus” Frank Zappa

There aren’t many Zappa songs that don’t apply today. Take a really good look at the lyrics to “St. Alphonsos Pancake Breakfast” or “Camarillo Brillo” and you’ll find cues to the modern situation. Was Frank a seer of sorts or just a really aware dude? In essence, Uncle Remus was a derogatory term for certain Southerners of color and was taken to with offence. Today, can you name a single group of people that AREN’T offended by something? If you feel you are, listen to “Bobby Brown Goes Down.” Get back to me on that one.

“Bike” Pink Floyd

I’ve got a bike, you can ride it if you like, it’s got a basket a bell that rings, and things to make it look good. Doesn’t it make you want to take a ride on my bike, well, does it? That’s the thing, no matter how much you hype it up, it’s still a bicycle. The verbiage behind it makes it sound appealing, although it’s actually not. The alternative thing is happening with this virus, it’s being hyped up for being something tremendous. When this whole thing is over, let’s all hope it’ll end with a couple of cymbal crashes.

“SWLABR” Cream

Do what? That doesn’t’ even make sense to anyone that isn’t in the know. Cryptic messages scattered throughout lyrics aren’t much different than the mixed signals we’re getting from the media. Should we panic, is it all nothing? We may never know until it’s all over, but in the meanwhile, we might as well stay chill and listen to good tunes.

“Waiting For A Squall” Hot Buttered Rum

Sure, I might be biased and thing that HBR is the absolute best band since the early days of the Dead, but they’re onto something. Lyrically, it describes exactly what we’re up against, a big, huge question mark. As prepared as you can be, or otherwise, we’re all just out here in a tiny boat waiting for a squall. Interestingly enough, Nat Keefe of Hot Buttered Rum is stoved up in Dubai due to this virus scare. Tests are being run, and we’re all pulling for him. Send good vibes his way, because, he’s out there in his tiny boat, but met a squall face first.

Other notable songs that wanted to make the top five, but fell sort include “What’s the Frequency Kenneth”, “Old Sept Blues” and “Pink Moon”. Click here to visit the playlist!

Do you have songs you’d like to see added to the Coronication playlist? Let me know! I’d love to see this turn into a beautiful amalgamation of music instead of just being a low point in many of our lives.

Hank isn’t around to clean up this mess.

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