Who’s that behind those Ray Bans?

Maybe you’ve wondered “who is this mysterious person behind the persona of “Nikki Weed” and you might have thought, “Is Nikki Weed her real name?” Since I’m trying to raise money (again) through this site, I thought it’s only fair that you get to know the person behind the screen.

You know that quick bio at the front of the book about the writer – well consider this as my authors bio. Of courses things will change periodically, but hey, it’s a start, and I promise you my real name IS Nikki Weed. Always has, always will be.

1. Are you named after someone? Not to my knowledge, although there are rumors that I was named after a valient Irish Setter that my dad had while he with fighting wars with nunchucks. Yeah, my dad is as bad ass as Chuck Norris
2. Last time you cried? This morning, actally, when I got out of the shower at the gym and saw myself in the mirror, then started to cry more when I went to grab my towel and realized it was a monogrammed towel that my ex mother in law gave me that was monogramed with her initials. Then I kept crying when I realized I suck at relationships. I’ll by old and lonely.
3. Do you like your handwriting? Little known fact about the Nikster, I never learned how to hold a pencil properly which resulted in my growing this extra bone spur out of my middle finger on my right hand. It’s pretty dope.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Okay, make me gag why don’t you. For one, I hate sandwiches, which makes it a bitch to pack a lunch. I hate bread, and I really hate bread that has over proessed meat slapped on there with some wierd white condiment to hold it to the bread. No, no lunch meat for me, unless you count Tuna fish. I could go for some of that right now.
5. Do you have kids? That is a sore subject. I want them, but apparently the great man in the sky (a greater power who I chose to believe in) doesn’t think it’s a good idea. It’s probably for the best, I’m not the most responsible person, I’d probably end up on the news.


6. Do you use sarcasm? No, next question. 


7. Do you still have your tonsils? Are those attached to the appendix, the gall bladder, and your wisdom teeth. All weird organs that get yanked out for some reason. To answer the question, yes, all of my body parts are right where they’re supposed to be. The doctors can take them from my cold dead body and give them to somebody else facing losing their tonsils. They can have mine so that they don’t feel inferior to other people that still have their tonsils. 


8. Would you bungee jump? Let’s see, I’ve skydove in foreign countries, so I think that’s a little bit more “extreme” than bungee jumping, which I would still do, just for hopes that the bungee would break and I’d go plunging into some great area full of jagged rocks that the bungee jump company wouldn’t loose any money because of all the great publicity and the waiver I signed saying “you can’t sue us if the bungee breaks.”


9. What is your favorite kind of cereal? Oh my, Ceral is about on the same level of lunch meat here. Neither of which I really “get” Yeah, get a box of grains and dump some milk on them and call it a meal. Hey, while you’re at it, slice some fruit up and garnish your soggy grains with something that gives it color. No, just no – but I do have a box of super healthy fiber squares from Kashi, they’re good WITHOUT milk. Oh yeah, I don’t like milk either. 


10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Depends on how tight I tie them, duh! But seriously, no. And to ice that shoe cake, I always put them reverse, left on the right and right on the left. Is a subconscience thing that drives the more engineer minded folks crazy. I really don’t do it on purpose.


11. Do you think you’re strong? As a matter of fact, yes, physically. Although I don’t think I could beat anybodies ass, I could at least put up a fair fight. I wouldn’t bite nor scratch, I take my lickin like a grown female should. Mentally strong, hell yes .Emotionally strong, fuck no. Give me a tune on the radio and I’ll be bawling like a little girl. 


12. What is your favorite ice cream? Plain Vanilla. Next question.

 

13. What is the first thing you notice about someone? Their body, I hate to say it, but decades of comparing myself to everyone else has caused me to constantly compare other people with myself. It’s saddening, but it’s a constant thing like “her hair is better”, he’s too good for me, she’s probably rocking a C cup, the looks like she lives at Krispy Kreme. It’s all really depressing – kind of like this music – it makes me sad. 


14. Football or Baseball? Baseball, all day every day. I could sit there and watch any team, anywhere, and be content. Do I have a favorite team? No. Do I care to devote myself to one team? No. I could watch athletic men standing in a field of grass not doing anything for minutes at a time anticipating catching something while annoying music pumps through the PA system and into my ears. I love the seventh inning stretch where I complacently sit still and don’t get up with the massed to sing some cheesing song about a snack food that doesn’t even get sold at most stadiums, and a root root root is typically because all the people are drunk by that time and it seems like the thing to do.


15. What is the least favorite thing you like about yourself? Sore subject. Make a list, that’s it. 


16. What color pants are you wearing? They are blue jeans, thank you very much, and my ass looks fabulous in them. It’s popping, hell, I even checked out my own ass this morning while I was getting dressed. All those squats are paying off, I guess. 


17. Last thing you ate? Damn it, one of those grape flavored toostie rolls that they give out at the gym. I hate the way they get all stuck up in my grill but I absolutely love the fact that they’re free. If I had to pay for them, they would sit on that counter until the turkey flies, but since they’re free, they’re for me. 


18. What are you listening to right now? I can tell you exactly, The Swan Lake, Ballet, Op. 20 by Tchaikovsky. It’s incredibly motivating and emotional. I love my classical music. 


19. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Dandelion Yellow. Next question, that one was boring. 


20. Favorite smell? Smell, really? Do people really go around smelling stuff and classifying it under the like and dislike category? I guess there are some things that are just repugnant that aren’t really pleasuring to the ole nose, but at the same time there are things that are mildly pleasing, but I don’t have anything that I jump up and down about to slather myself in to make me smell like that. Brutal honesty, I would say the smell of tomato leaves after they’ve been plucked off of a plant, or the leaves of the Geranium plant, those are lovely as well. If only there was a way to convince the perfume people to quit making up body spray that says “Lilac Gardenia” when in all actuality those people probably don’t even know what a lilac looks like let alone what it smells like. 


21. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Good question, somebody at work I suppose, maybe the guy that was asking about fescue, maybe Larry, I really don’t remember. I’m not a phone person, and really, if I’m not in the car with the bluetooth going, I will avoid talking on the phone with all my might. I see other people talking on phones and they look ridiculous, holding that stupid thing up to their ear or having that high tech piece of junk shoved in their ear. Silly people. Really, nothing says cool more than what looks like an out of date headband around your neck and wires coming out of it going to your ears. That’s bad ass right there. 


22. Favorite sport live. I’ll revert back to the prior question of baseball or football. I can’t remember ever sitting through a baseball game and not giggling, foot ball however, I remember lots of shivering, which is for the birds. I suppose you can classify F1 racing as a live sport, and I’ve gone to those without much complain (except getting drenched in Hockenheim. But really, you hardly get to see the race itself since it’s like a three mile long track. I guess I’m really not a “sporty” sort. 


23. Hair color? Depends on what stage of life you’re asking about, I went for the totally platinum blonde color for a while, which I rocked like a hurricane, then I went to a natural, and now I’m in this weird in between stage of my life, a midlife crisis for my hair maybe. I don’t see myself looking good in most colors, and after going through a whole bunch of my old pictures the other day, I realized that I look the most natural with my darker blonde color, and I’ve tried to go back to it, but it just never sticks. I need to pry open my wallet and get it professionally done. 


24. Eye color? Right now, they’re probably blood shot and a bit yellow around the edges. Oh, and I guess in the middle they’re blue and brown, depending on the light. I really don’t pay much attention to eyes, I just assume everybody has them, and they’re all sort of similar, although they could be set too far apart on some people, which drives me nuts. Or there is the occasional instance of them being unlevel, or the dreaded sleepy eye. Actually, the sleepy eye doesn’t bother me, but too much eye makeup does. What are you trying to be, Bozo?


25. Favorite food to eat? Everything and nothing. Today I’ve been stressed out, which is really odd, and I have wanted to eat everything in sight, but I sort of curtailed that with sitting my ass in front of the computer screen for a while. If my fingers are typing, they’re not shoving food down my yap. Also, I should probably go to the gym, you can’t cram food down your mouth when you’re working out. In all seriousness, if I had to have a favorite food it’d have to be, very specifically, actually, no, food is ruined for me, I hate it all. Stupid eating disorder.


26. Scary movies or happy ? Come on, this question is just a little to reaching, I feel. Really, doesn’t it all come down to the mood, the place you are, the person you’re with, the context of the film, quality of the actors, what year it came out, ya know, important stuff? There are some people that absolutely cannot handle scary films, and I’m sure they’re very vocal when it comes down to like/dislike, but there can be well written “scary” movies that aren’t really aimed at giving you nightmares, but more illustrate the human mind and how it can work to make the world scarier than it really is. You know the type, intellectual thrillers like A Clockwork Orange or Jaws.


27. Last movie watched. Don’t even know, it’s been so long since I’ve watched a movie I couldn’t even start to guess. The last “full” movie I sort of remember watching was The Jerk, but I don’t think that one should count, I’ve seen it upwards of 101 times. In the theatre, it has to be the last Star Trek movie, but I don’t even remember going to that, that time of my life is sort of blurry right now. I know I went, but I don’t remember even getting to the credits. Somebody clue me in to how it was, please.
28. What color shirt are you wearing? It’s fabulously arglye with black and grey. If you must know, I got it at a thrift store, and it’s suiting me quite well with my nerd glasses on, rocking scarf and sipping some more than five dollar cup of coffee at the local starbucks. I know I’m in no mood to navigate the traffic between point a and b at this juncture of the day. I’m just not feeling it, not feeling it at all. 


29. Favorite holiday? Really? I guess it’d have to be Valentines day, so I can be reminded of how lonely a person I am. Or maybe Easter, so I can remember how much my easters used to be full of excitement and baskets, and is now just a day. Ooo, maybe christmas, so that I can be stressed out about gifts and sending cards to the point it gives me an anxiety attack and nobody gets either. New Years is pretty cool too, you know, confetii and all, that you have to clean up the next day along with a wicked hangover. I don’t hold back my holiday cheer for just the holidays, everyday is a holiday when you’re around me. 


30. Wine or beer? It used to be beer, oh man how I loved my beer, then it used to be wine and beer, then it turned into anything that I could grab on. I’m living a clean life now, without the aid of substance abuse, and man, life is good. I can’t say I really look down on those that partake in the pleasure of a cold brew, but at the same time, I cannot share in the joy and fun. My body is allergic to alcohol, and sadly, once I start drinking, it spreads from one beer to a couple six packs and my drinking keeps on like an oozing rash that you keep scratching, so in return it keeps spreading. 

Have any more questions, comments, concerns? Please, shoot me an email and I’ll be happy to make them the topic of a new post. You can remain anonymous OR you can be called out, either way, let ME hear from YOU so that I can cater the adventures page to something everyone can enjoy.

Shoot me shit: pepitaweed AT gmail DOT com

One last thing before I start throwing words into the new book, this website is being partially funded by (in my weird PBS announcer voice) contributions by you! Visit my paypal link below to throw a couple bucks in the can to support the Jack London experiment.

www.paypal.me/WeedNikki

Every donation, large and small, will be split in half and half of the monies go to NAMI, the nation alliance for mental illness. Let’s make this year a great one (depending on how you count your years, is it really just a day on the calendar or do you celebrate a new years on your birthday, because, actually, you’re not really entitled to that first year, because you were only around for half of it. I could go on a tangent, but this article is already clicking the 2500 word count.

Yikes.

 

 

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