Ego Boost

“Beauty is a short-lived tyranny.”


I found myself taking more time than usual to get ready this morning, which doesn’t say much except that I actually payed attention to what I was doing. It wasn’t a matter of me trying to impress the world or even try to look good in case I encounter somebody that needs impressing, it was just to do it. I’d take time to dry my hair perfect, wear a cute outfit (or at least I think it is) and put some cute little curls in my hair that bounce down by my face. 

I did not, however, put on makeup. Screw that, I thought, I just took that much time fixing curls that will be humidity ridden and limp within an hour. I gave up on trying to boost my ego through physical appearance and just went about my day. My quest for acceptance from the public for my attractiveness is long gone, and I could care less if I ever need to try to attract anybody for any reason ever again in my life. 

It’s not that I don’t care, I’ve just realized it’s a losing battle. There will always be some sort of “beauty” that I lack. Nice figure, nope. Nice face, eh, if you like a weird freckle and some bad teeth. Sexy legs? Ha, if you get into bruises, lots of scratches and bug bites then we might be onto something. All of these things are me though, and that’s okay, I think.

As Socrates said while associating beauty with tyranny, it’s true. You can let your “beauty” rule your life and let it sink tyrannical claws into you. You can find yourself falling to its strength and spend an hour a day fixing your hair or even two hours working out to make sure your body is “bikini ready”. With that time, is there nothing beautiful that doesn’t come easy? 

Are sunsets not beautiful? On a perfect night on a perfect beach the least tyrannical specimen of beauty is the sun sinking low into the horizon and the world illuminated with a fantastic civil twilight. Is it not beautiful to watch a bee bounce from blossom to blossom happily working its day away? It only gets to you if you fear the bee of stinking you, just like fearing the sun for burning you, just like worrying if one day you’ll wake up in the mirror and there won’t be enough make up to make you “beautiful”. 

Your body will give out one day and you won’t be able to run three plus miles to keep those perfectly toned legs. Your hair will thin and you’ll have to either accept the loss and get a wig or even worse turn to third world countries selling you their hair just to help you feel better about yourself.

Giving power to beauty is giving yourself over to a tyrannical presence that is out of your control. 

Come along and be ugly with me, it’s not so bad. 

We're not ugly, but we can be pretty silly. Tyrannical beauty comes with a laugh and a sarcastic "whatever".

We’re not ugly, but we can be pretty silly. Tyrannical beauty comes with a laugh and a sarcastic “whatever”.


2 thoughts on “Ego Boost

  1. Nikki, you are actually quite cute, both physically and personality-wise, even if you don’t think so. I wish you would quit beating yourself up all of the time, as you are not an objective judge of yourself. No one sees themselves the way others see them.

    • It’s interesting. I’m reading a book called “notes from the underground” and it’s amazingly parallel to my life and how I approach those around me. You can tell me all of these things, but if I believe I’m “diseased” (as they say in the book) I’ll believe it. It seems the more that I seclude myself from the reality of life, the more I realize what a special and beautiful person I am (inside and out).

      I stumbled upon something while writing a column for the nursery website yesterday that made me think…the concept of…well…some japanese art of believing there is beauty in imperfection. I read into this and realized that people love and respect me because who I am. Different, a little odd and very individual. There have been several people lately that saw that I have a certain “wabi sabi” and I thought it was just some bad stab at saying I stink, but really, it’s a way to say that I have found beauty in imperfection.

      Fuck it. I like to be cute, I don’t need anybody to accept me as that. All I want is love.


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