I don’t even remember where I was trying to take that now that I think about it. It’s tough, after my 30th birthday I’ve found myself in a field of liberation surrounded by a very scary forest of trees with nooses, monsters and potentially deadly substances. I’m not going back into the forest, not ever, but at the same time when the going get’s tough, it’s a lot easier for me to turn tail and go back into the woods to hide until the “tough” goes away. I’ve found myself in a unique position though, this is only during interpersonal relationships. If I’m faced with “tough” in work or school or even traffic I say “give me tougher!”
I’m not a perfect person, but I do have some traits that some would see perfect, but other would see as flawed. Such as (and I’m going to use bullet points, it makes it look organized).
- Chocolate Donuts – I freaking love them, especially the slightly old ones from the gas station that are almost stale but not quite. Don’t give me that Krispy Kreme nonsense, give me a good cakey donut. Some people would say “Heck yeah, those are the shiznit!” Others might say, “you’re so weak to let yourself eat something that’s so bad for you!”. It’s rough when both of those people are you.
- I have a big butt, and I cannot lie. Perhaps it’s my lordosis or perhaps it’s the donuts, but my booty sticks out far enough to knock stuff over at times. Of course this isn’t really a wonderful trait, but hey, it gives me an extra cushion for sitting. Some people would look at is as “daaayyymmm, that’s a ghetto booty!” or some would say “Ugh, she’s fat, she’s got an ass the size of a semi”. I don’t mind my butt, it’s unique considering nobody else in my family has one.
- I take life seriously, but not too seriously. When there is a hurdle I tend to giggle my way over it instead of finding the most efficient or documented way over. I’m not really one to plan strategically over the hurdle, but I’d rather wing it with my knowledge of what the hurdle represents as an obstacle. Sometimes, it’s too tall for me no matter what and I’ll never get over it, but at least I’ll approach it with a smile and a joke. Some people would call this poor planning, I just call it healthy humor.
- I enjoy beer, and some people will be pro and some against, I know that for a fact. The problem with this is that perhaps some people would say I enjoy beer too much. It’s true, at times, but then again I only enjoy my beer too much when something is making me not enjoy life too much. It’s not an effective way of dealing with hardships, but then again, I don’t have hardships everyday. Bad day calls for a good beverage and a fresh start in the morning. The noose pulling you back to the past can be snipped with a good beer, it can also be tightened with too many beers. Beware.
- I care. Too much at times, but at least I care. I can look at relationships with family, friends and work and see that I care too much for those around me. I worry about what’s going on in other peoples lives just to see if I can help somehow. I also put myself in other peoples shoes a few times just to see how my life could be better or worse. It doesn’t much get me anywhere, but at least I can say I care. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to love, and perhaps I love too much. It’s better than being a cold hearted jerk.
- I’m a cold hearted jerk – ha – to contradict myself if I feel I’ve been wronged, I’ll get over it but not without having some input on why I feel I deserve better treatment. It all stems from the feeling of every single person deserves respect, and when I feel disrespect I get disrespectful – but only to a tasteful degree. Some people would call this a bad trait and I should be more easy going, but actually they’re wrong. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to stick up for yourself and know who you are and what you represent. I represent the respect that I feel that I deserve.
A little bit goes a long way, and although I feel that even in this last week I’ve gained 15 pounds (really) and pretty much lost all sense of self confidence in my appearance, I’ve also gained about 15 pounds of wisdom. Life’s short, my friends, eat donuts and drink beer.
(but not krispy kreme and budweiser)