A heavy sigh, a heavy heart.

The wheels of life turn and sometimes you have no choice but to follow them wherever they take you. I suppose my wheels have taken me lots of places to eat lately.

I look at myself and wonder “what the hell, Nikki, why can’t you put the French fries down?” it doesn’t work that way. Now I’m faces with the repercussions of My actions. It’s kind of like driving way too fast then getting a speeding ticket. You knew that was wrong but you did it anyway.

Now, for those that I try to help heal, and those that try to help me heal myself, say a little prayer of strength for me. This is going to be a rough week. I hate starting Mondays with a grand idea of looking fabulous but realizing my butt got too big to fit into my shorts and I look like swollen version of some decrepit doll from my childhood.

Does anybody remember “my baby all gone”? She would eat and eat and eat and giggle and giggle and giggle. Maybe that’s what I am, except for when I make all gone I just want to cry.

I really wish that there was some internal switch that I could activate that would put me back to where I was this time (body wise) in 2009. I don’t want to stay that way, but I do want to remember what it’s like to have my body start ingesting my organs because I didn’t eat and eat and eat. Just a friendly reminder that eating is okay, but only in moderation.

On the plus side, I haven’t puked in over a month down. Woo… I think.

So today, I’m going to hop in my car, the tard, and drift into work as I usually do. Just because I can really, and perhaps try a liquid diet for a while, or at least until next meal time.



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