A Doctorate In Stupidity

When you take the big picture of life into consideration it’s a very wise decision to make sure you know the ins and outs of whatever challenge you’re thinking of conquering. Think of surgeons – they’re all highly intelligent, highly trained and well paid at what they do BUT you don’t see them swapping organ specialties. You don’t see an oral surgeon doing brain surgery. You get my point, I’m sure. Do they every have to be reminded of that though, do nurses have to periodically talk doctors out of doing certain procedures just because they “feel like it” or “I can do this, I’ve done something kind of like it before”.

With this mindset, I decided to crack open the newest treasure in my life – my Bentley Manual for my Shark. Having learned to read on an old Chilton book for a Chevy Blazer, I thought what I was going to be looking at for the next twenty minutes or so (killing time).

I was taken aback by ten pages of warnings and advisories such as:

Don't tell me what to wear

So, apparently they don’t trust my safety. My primary question is how am I supposed to know if something is beyond my capabilities unless I actually try to do the damn project. I mean, sure – I’m not going to try to rebuilt my transmission on the side of the road, but I’m not going to stand there and scratch my ass wondering what I should do. Nevertheless the disclaimer of “errata” doesn’t make me feel any more confident in my “capabilities”. Although, if I do screw it up terribly I can blame it on errata.

What, no necktie? Screw that.

I mean, I’m okay if you want to tell me I’m a moron and that I shouldn’t be working on my car because I’m not capable – but now you’re going to tell me how to dress? I have a strong need to wear neckties and swing my long flowing hair around while I’m torquing my bolts. Besides, I NEED my jewelry to accent my lovely scarf that brings out by pale blue eyes. I’m too fashionable to take advice from a damn shop manual. What do they want me to do, wear a union suit and sensible shoes? What do I look like, a mechanic or something?

And now this?!?!? I can’t work on my car when I don’t feel well? Does that mean I have to rate my pain on a scale of one to ten to see what I’m capable of sort of like saying “Well, I only feel about four today so I’m not going to change the oil, but I will empty the ashtray. How exactly do they think I’m going to be able to work on the car without taking medications to alleviate the pain that I’ve experienced from getting my necktie stuck in the fan.

…clarification is needed on “Other Substance” that could be any of multiple things found in the typical John Q. Public garage.

I’m just wondering, do other car manuals warn against neckties or is it just a BMW thing. Does the Audi manual warn against getting your cufflinks stuck in the gas door?


2 thoughts on “A Doctorate In Stupidity

  1. Warnings, cautions, whatever. I did a valve adjustment on my 72tii the same day I got my vasectomy . At least the engine still works!

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